Saturday, 23 December 2017

Damn, You Are So Lucky!

Today is your lucky day. You may have literally made the most important click of your life by selecting this blog as the next webpage to grace your computer screen.
"Why?", you may ask. "I could be looking at cats; or dogs; or my friend's social media; or naked people; or a decent band's webpage; or hacking various government's internal security systems." All those things may be important, but they don't even compare to what this blog is about... dancing.

Now I can hear your whirring brain click into place. "Dancing, of course! That makes sense." There is literally nothing more important than that. However, despite the ridiculous importance of dancing I have been noticing something terrifying at our shows, that may well shock you. Everyone seems to have forgotten how to do it. Unless flinging debris at the band counts now; or looking on with disgust; or even worse, just bobbing your head along without moving a single atom of your body at all below the neck. We appear to be in a crisis.

I'm not going to pretend that I'm the world's best dancer, or the second best or the third. As the fourth best dancer in the world though, I feel I have the expertise to guide you back from the depths of darkness where you (the world) seem to have fallen. I have an endless arsenal of dance moves at my disposal and I feel it best that I explain as many of them to you as I can. This way, next time you find yourself at some sort of music show where the beat is pumping through your limbs and you're scared and confused at what to do, you will be absolutely and completely prepared to deal with it in any situation.

So without further ado, I will go on to explain this blog's dance move: the lawnmower.

The Lawnmower

This dance move is prestigious and iconic. It has stood the test of time from all the way back when people started using lawnmowers to now. Yet it is simple and easy to employ for all you novices to dancing out there. The only thing you need to have done to be able to utilise this dance move, is used a lawnmower. That's a pretty broad spectrum of people right there. If you haven't used one and you're not in a third world nation and haven't spent your entire life in poverty, then you're a bad person. Go away and mow a lawn, now.

Now for all of you that have used a lawnmower it is practice time. There are two different parts to this move that can be employed at different times in a song. The first part: pulling the starter cord. It is time to employ that valuable mowing experience we mentioned earlier. All you have to do is: from a relaxed standing pose, imagine you have a lawnmower in front of you. Now, reach down (physically) and pull the imaginary lawnmower cord. Now, keep pulling. The imaginary lawnmower in question is a hunk of junk so you're going to have to keep pulling that starter chord over and over in time to the music. Do it for as long as you feel is best, but I like to go for a verse at least. Occasionally, i'll stop and kick the imaginary lawnmower (also in time with the music), before going back to pulling the chord.

Ok, now part 2. This is where your frustration is finally released and you get to mow. It's usually good to transition to part 2 when there is a transition in the song, maybe going from verse to chorus. Now, keeping in time with the music your going to pull one last time, give a single satisfied nod, then begin to mow stepping in time. Mow your way around the dance floor, which is now a lawn, before the imaginary mower inevitable breaks down again and you go back to pulling the chord.

And that's it. Completely simple and easy to do. You can keep repeating it for as many songs as you wish, it'll just keep on going, as it's imaginary. I realise that the world will need many more dance moves as it is completely and utterly void of them at the moment, but for the present this is a good starter. Practice it everywhere you can and you'll get it in no time: you could lawnmower your way to work; through a boring meeting; to the shops -wherever! Needless to say, I will be very disappointed and enraged if there is not a vast increase in people doing this within a realistic time-frame of this post inevitably going super-viral. Have fun!

Friday, 1 December 2017

Lyrics - Icebreaker

I feel like it's time to talk about lyrics. Or rather, my lyrics. Or rather, what the hell I was thinking when I wrote my lyrics. For a lot of songs out there, it seems there are many different, valid interpretations for what a song is prattling on about. For ours I would definitely encourage that and if people feel a song is about something the writer didn't intend, then go with it. In the end when a song is being listened to it's the meaning for the listener that is actually important. Yet, I know for some people that understanding the original intent behind the song is important, so here is my attempt to explain Icebreaker..

Now it's important to note that a lot of the lyrics I write are very intuitive, so there are many cases where I haven't realised what a song was about until the Bridge started forming, then I'd have an aha! moment and realise what I'd been on about up to that point. Icebreaker wasn't like that.. and it wasn't called Icebreaker until recently (all hail working name "Dynamic Song').

I started writing the lyrics for Icebreaker in the darkened, dingy depths of a student house in Leicester, fondly referred to as 'Edward House'. The guitar was already drafted out as per usual before I begin lyrics and I was watching an anime called 'Soul Eater'. Specifically, I was wondering what traits I found inspiring in a character called 'Blair'.  If your reading this and you haven't seen Soul Eater I recommend you do (ignore the nude scenes), if you have seen Soul Eater you will know that Blair is a magical cat that can turn into a human. So this is where the beginnings of the song come from.. a magical cat.

Although, not exactly. It was more what I found inspiring in Blair, which is a character that has an uncanny ability to have fun and focus on "living in the moment" as it were. Not on some great career path or love pursuit or divine mission or whatever, just simply being themselves and enjoying life in the best way they can, for now. So a song came from that that celebrates the people in life who are exceptional at having fun and letting go, in the same way that people who are exceptional at motivating themselves or love or succeeding in more traditional ways are celebrated.

That may not make sense, I'm not sure but basically the song outlines the thoughts and feelings of someone inspiring in this way, in the sense that some people can be inspiring for being strong, smart or caring, who I would want to emulate. It starts with an imagined scenario where this fictional character wakes up after a night where they were embarrassed and hurt and how they dealt with that. Then goes on to explain there reasons for the way they act. "And I know I may have hesitations about wasting time after new sensations" - this line refers to the time that is "wasted" chasing after fun and the pressure they take from others to do something more tangibly worthwhile. "I'm just a debug away from new sensations" - refers to the need to get rid of any beliefs that are preventing them from new experiences. A lot of the song talks about overcoming a struggle to let themselves pursue what they truly value, despite that not being seen as an important goal in their life and despite being informed there are realities which they need to address and pursue: like getting rich or getting married. It's an Icebreaker in the sense that it's almost as if this person is introducing themselves and what they're about to someone they've just met.

Anyway sorry if I've confused you, the song is open to interpretation and is a celebration of these traits, I'm not saying everyone should emulate them but that I'm glad there are people that do, as being exceptional at having fun is important.

Here are the lyrics for Icebreaker:

Verse 1
Strip off, this old lost love,
Take on, the world like I knew I would,
It’s an irony line, I don’t wanna make you jealous,
I’ve taken time, to love like no-one ever,
Look in the mirror, I see nothing perfect,
But that smile, knew it was worth it,
To hit the ground last night knowing the risks,
A tip-top way to marry a tiff,

And I know I might have hesitations,
About wasting time after new sensations,
It’s not that I’m scared of me,
It’s that I take my time clearing these realities,

I’m just a debug away from new sensations,
It takes a long, long time to fill it with my expectations,
I’m not worried about my life, I know that everything’s alright,
In fact I could stand here all day, running around after nothing today,

Verse 2
Stretch out, any tear toxic garbage,
Roll away, it’s my new day!
I run around like I’m nothing else,
And take the time to enjoy myself,
It’s my time to shine as I wish,
It’s my life to do as I see fit,
And I know I can take it slow or fast,
Who knows? How long I’ll last?



Alright, I just said,
Some thoughts that whirl around inside my head,
And as I take my time to share my life,
I'll find a clue that leads to extraordinary things,
Or I'll tell you a lie and see if you believe,
It seems I run,
On expectation,
It seems I run,
On expectation,


Police Thieves and Merchants - Chapter 3

Chapter 3: Can We Move?

The four thieves had been walking for miles, completely separated from the rest of their “band”. Each individually contemplated leaving the others to go alone and each realised they didn't want to. The large pine trees rose up around them, reducing the sky to splinters of sunlight shining through the tree-tops. All four remained fairly unaware of the land yet felt at home in it's wild and mysterious nature, the peaceful quiet around them giving their journey a slightly mystical quality.
How far north is this city?” the youngest of the thieves questioned. He had light hair, was fairly tall, though not as imposing as Crole, and displayed a curious and sly nature in his movements as he explored his surroundings.
Stop asking questions and get a move on,” answered Borg: a small, squat man approaching middle age. He wore a ruffled, dark, brown beard with a long ponytail swinging down his back. He had also constantly worn a scowl over the course of their collaborative get rich quick scheme, Sedrick noted with mild interest.
We'll know when we get out of this forest.” The darkened trees that impenetrably surrounded them reinforced Borg's mood. Alone without the rest of the band, they stood less of a chance of finding this supposed city in the north where the purses of the wealthy eagerly awaited them. In all honesty they had never these cities before. The only resemblance of a city they knew of came on the coast to the south of their land, still far enough away for them to not be overly familiar with such a sizeable settlement. They were used to living in a land similar to this dotted with trees, hills and small settlements.
Just such a settlement came crawling into view within an hour as the trees that clamoured around the thieves began to thin and spread apart to form a clearing with a village at the far end from the thieves approach. Upon further inspection, 'village' proved too generous a word to describe it, it was more a small collection of houses perched on the edge of the clearing. Nevertheless, it provided an opportunity to the thieves for food either through money, guile or the provision of a small service for the inhabitants. Sedrick quickly opted for guile and disappeared into the tree-line. As always he wanted to see on what adventure his unique skills could take him and far he could push them. The others left him to pursue food through another means. They stood discussing the situation within the forest, just out of sight of the small cluster of buildings.
What money do we have?” Borg queried, looking up at Crole.
A little... enough for food certainly but we don't know how many days we'll be on this trek,” was the hesitant answer.
I'm starving, I'm up for money if it's quickest..”
And we don't want to be around if Sedrick gets caught...” chipped in Laurel.
He's not stupid Laurel..”
Then he can get my dinner.”
Just fucking decide already,” snapped Borg.
Do you need us to decide for you, because I think that requires some serious consideration.”
You do know I have killed before Laurel.”
So you keep telling us master murderer but I fail to care,” Laurel smirked honestly. He didn't care, in fact there was only one member of their foursome who had never killed – and that wasn't Laurel.
Before Borg could retaliate Crole said matter of factly:
Look, if we're doing this together let's just vote on it and do whatever comes top.”
Money,” Borg spoke instantly and Crole shifted uneasily.
The money will need to last a while.”
Service” stated Laurel, not realizing in his need to annoy that he wasn't satisfying his own hunger pangs.
After Laurel made his decision a harmless, innocent woodcutter emerged from the buildings opposite the huddle of thieves. They looked up, sensing the movement within the still, tranquil scene. Thunk after thunk resounded around the clearing as the stranger merrily hacked at his wood. Borg glanced at Crole who frowned at Laurel and let out a sigh.
Fine, money it is. Let's get some food and shelter.”
Immediately, Borg strode from the tree-line towards the chopping sound. The woodcutter stayed focused on his work and didn't notice as Borg continued towards him. Thunk, thunk, thunk the work was consistent, practised and cheerful as Crole and Laurel followed Borg across the clearing, feeling the grass sweep gently against their dark trousers. He didn't look up once. Thunk and thunk, he could do this for days, the man was a pro- content in his simple, harmless life. Thunk...thunk... this happy chopping put a spring in Borg's step, each of which brought him closer to the promise of delicious dinner. It had an honest tone to it he thought, reflected in the peaceful, simple scenery that surrounded the workplace and sent the noise ricocheting back at them. One more thunk and the worker looked up, staring straight at Borg. There was the softest of clicks followed by a great, sudden bang echoing into the thieves ears with more force than they had ever known. An echo which continued with sudden, epic force onwards around the forest as the woodcutter's head exploded.

Kendra was strolling along the forest path as a colourful variety of scattered leaves fell before her, clutching at her boot as she passed by. Sandra hopped after her, a messy debris left on the forest floor as she passed.
Where are we Sandra?” Kendra asked, a tone of authority in her voice.
You know I know where I am.”
Where are we Sandra? What would you call this collection of trees thrusting up out of this muddy surface we call the ground?” Kendra continued regardless.
I have trouble focusing, I've made you aware of that in the past..”
That's not an answer Sandra,” Kendra stated unhelpfully.
A forest.”
A forest! Fucking brilliant Sandra! Now, what do people tend to do in a forest?”
Chop wood.”
Something to do with animals Sandra,” Kendra persisted in her unhelpful, authoritative, exaggerated tone.
Watch the birds.”
Your not getting the game Sandra, I ask you a question and you tell me what we both know I want to hear.”
And what do hunters leave?”
Traps,” Kendra said in a resigned tone.
Now you know! Now you know Sandra. After this lesson how can you possibly manage to wander into a trap again!” Kendra finished, her voice brimming with sarcasm.
My leg hurts.”
Kendra quickly glanced down, her attention from the path ahead briefly interrupted before quickly focusing back.
That's what snares do I'm afraid, but you're up and you're walking with bearable pain so that's good enough for me to keep chasing after those thieves. That item our clients want back is clearly precious and could cause more trouble for us if we let just anyone get their hands on it.”
Sandra kept moving, contemplating whether she should mention that she hadn't heard the description of this mysterious, precious item. She thought better of it, refusing to give Kendra another reason to humiliate her. Her loose, cropped hair drooped down over her face as she looked up at the sun. Still plenty of day left, as long as it continued to act normally. There was a general buzz in the back of her mind, as she guessed there was among everyone's, as to what had happened to the sun. The possibilities of why it had disappeared were endless to her, so she had decided to focus on hoping that nothing dangerous would come of it and try not to let it bother her too much. The conflicting theories of the merchants amused her still though, as her lip curled in spite of the stinging area where the snare had wickedly clawed into her left calf.
A few hours later the stinging had eased and she had promoted herself to hobbling over half-hopping/ half – lurching up the path.
Kendra may moan a lot but at least her partner had decent first aid skills”, she mused as the path evened out after another hill. The woodland continued to stretch out before them, continually littering the path with the colourful leaves. Her reverie was smashed as she heard strained voices further up to the left of the track. Kendra didn't hear, she in turn was wondering if she should call a halt for the day so Sandra's leg could heal better, when she quickly shot her arm out- tensed horizontally to the left. Sandra instantly thumped into it and collapsed back onto the floor.
Pit trap,” Kendra stated. She had only just seen it at the last moment before she herself had triggered it, the slightest of patterns in the leaves revealing that they had intentionally been arranged. It was huge, covering almost the entire path. Most likely designed for a bear she thought, slightly confused.
There are voices,” a voice murmured from the floor.
Which way?” Kendra asked, trusting her partners ears without question.
Sandra got up and motioned to go quietly indicating where the sounds were coming from. She had to be guided by Kendra around the trap for fear of worsening her leg. Once they were beyond it Sandra crept forward confidently and silently through the trees, Kendra rustling quietly just a few steps behind, her ears pricking up as the voices became louder the closer they came.
They were coming from a clearing where three men surrounded another on the floor with knives in hand. The man on the ground had deep cut marks and bruises where he had been gruesomely assaulted by his assailants. Kendra wondered how he managed to keep himself from falling unconscious as he looked up, blood oozing from a cut on his lower lip.
Tell us where to go!” one of the knife wielding maniacs commanded, blood dripping from his knife onto the tranquil forest floor. The scene looked horrific, but Sandra did note at least that the injuries were still relatively minor on the victim, if they could just get him away he should be able to make it to the nearest medical attention.
We have to intervene,” she whispered to Kendra, focusing on keeping her breathing subdued and quiet. Kendra had already formulated a plan, as well as noticed the purple wine jars stacked next to the thieves' baggage and supplies.
Make your away around silently to the opposite end of the clearing,” she ordered at a minute volume with eyes focused in anticipation. “Once you're there stay out of sight and ready to make your move. I'll try and draw them away, once I do get the prisoner and the wine and head north. There's a village a few miles from here, do you remember?”
Correct, take the merchant there with the wine, I'll follow you once I've gotten rid of these... scum.”
Sandra nodded and made her way around the clearing. Her blue top and leggings contrasted amazingly with the green scenery so she kept her movements slow and precise around a path which kept her far enough from the clearing to remain hidden. Meanwhile, the merchant continued to be questioned and take a beating. Kendra lost sight of Sandra as she got closer to the opposite side, it was now up to her intuition to time her move just when her partner was in position. She ran through the plan once more in her head. It could be better, but she trusted in her speed, intelligence and natural ability to improvise to get her out of any setbacks. The only worry was that if the thieves didn't go for her. The seconds ticked past and as the thieves moved in for another attack on the gentleman she decided to move.
She stepped into the clearing perpendicular to the thieves' vision the jagged edges of the stones she clutched digging into her skin. Being so intent on their prisoner she had a wine jar under her arm and a stone ready to hurl before they noticed her. Her first stone crashed into the nearest thief's face as he turned to face the threat. He was tall and gangly in shape lurching backwards as he yelled out, a hand clasped over his face. A string of foul language erupted from the thief stooped down to cut at the victim as a stone zipped into his teeth. Kendra laughed merrily and galloped off into the trees. The stooped thief spat blood onto the already blood spattered floor.
Stay here!” he shouted at the unharmed thief as he stepped forward.
We'll go get her and she can join him,” he muttered nodding to the groaning man on the floor as he followed his taller comrade into the woodland.
The remaining thief wiped a baffled look off his face before standing guard over his prisoner, a knife at his hip Sandra noted.

Could be worse”, she thought. “At least two of the criminals had gone after Kendra's diversion. Time to improvise, I guess..,” as she felt around for a decent grip on the large chunk of wood in her hand and glared at the thief.

Friday, 13 October 2017

Band Watching

Right Kate and random, generic internet-surfer I'm going to call Steven, it's time to talk about bands. More specifically bands that I wouldn't have heard of if I wasn't in a band (probably). A small compilation of the more noticeable bands I've seen through gigging or alternatively, when scouring through music groups to promote our band online. Basically, they keep these activities interesting (as well as the people who come to shows, playing live, beer and John's beard etc.) by exposing me to brand new, exciting music that I wouldn't have heard of otherwise. So here is a few new underrated bands that have stood out for me:

Vertical Noise

These guys from Nottingham were at our first gig playing right after us, causing me to madly rush the load in afterwards (forgetting to pack up my stands) so I could run back inside and catch their show. My first impression of this band came weeks before the gig and it could be described in one word: Noisy. Certainly, the name suits them, but it was a catchy kind of noisy that I could both bob my head or smash a dining set to. Their music gave me options.. and I liked that. If I could recommend one song to listen to it would be “Lieutenant Colonel Mother Teresa”, named after a relative I'm assuming. I believe this is their first single (don't quote me on that either of you) and it's lengthy, dynamically varied intro wins me over from the start – well worth a listen:

Now Steven, as a generic internet user I'm surprised you've made it this far: but if you scurried on past that link without pressing it to rush through this “blog” post without checking out the music I'm carefully selecting for you, then what's the point? You may as well listen as you read since you're so committed to reading this now, even as I talk about literally nothing for a few sentences..

Brain Circus

I met these guys from Sheffield as the opening band in our second gig, and upon hearing their name I thought it would be some sort of psychedelic madness that I would struggle to wrap my head around. Yet, as they played I discovered that they were a catchy pop punk band. At least, I think it was pop punk... it definitely reminded me of pop punk music. Looking at their facebook page, the only live video I can find is a cover of Led Zeppelin's Moby Dick: so they definitely have a good taste in music.. and a great drummer. The drummer's talent really stood out while I watched them, and with solid singing and some great riffs on the guitar, I will want to check out their songs when they finish recording. Check out their facebook page here:


When the gig organizer tells you that you'll be playing with one of the best bands that he's ever booked, it's tempting to feel down that you're not that band. However, when you've already checked out said band and are excited to hear their music, you realize that it's a forgiveable offence.. this one time. When that band then can't attend the show, it's easy to feel down again.. but then you get to play a show.. and so on so forth. FES are from the far off land of Peterborough and have been around just over a year at this point. I may have missed seeing them live, but I can assure you both that their recordings are well worth checking out. I would definitely classify them as pop rock, if forced to do such a thing.. but if you're adamantly a dubstep/rave man Steven, then even you may enjoy this if you consider opening your god-damn mind. Their music feels very easy to get into no matter which genre you feel you are tied to, and can be super uplifting to listen to. Here's their first single: and check out their EP on bandcamp : .

Tuesday, 10 October 2017

Police, Thieves and Merchants - Chapter 2 Catching Wild Men

Well Kate and the dude randomly surfing the internet who I shall call Steven, here is the highly anticipated second chapter of Police, Thieves and Merchants:

Chapter 2 Catching Wild Men

Run.. run.. run.. run.. hedge... duck... crawl... up and run... run...”
Stop yelling what you're doing and just go!”
The wild men had retrieved the valuable cargo and were heading as far away from the path as they could go, crashing through the undergrowth and smashing past trees in a direct beeline north.
Guys I can't peg it any longer... ” Four of the thieves had stopped in a clearing and were catching their breath.
I wouldn't worry, I don't think they even noticed.”
The speaker straightened up, clad in black and tall enough to be fairly imposing, should the need arise. His hair was scrappy at best and he had a single false tooth of magenta in colour.
So much wine!” one of the thieves exclaimed excitedly, “I wonder what I will do with this...”
Stop stroking the wine Laurel..”
It's my wine! I'm sophisticated! I like wine.”
Still there's no need to...”
Guys sit down.” Magenta Tooth stated.
They all quickly collapsed onto the floor, littered about the clearing among the wild, overgrown plants and fallen timber. There was a short pause as the thieves enjoyed the opportunity to catch their breath before one of them called out to Magenta tooth.
What if they're coming after us Crole?”
They're not.. ” Crole responded, still drawing breath heavily. “Probably... just … let's take a break.”
We have a lot of wine, how much is it worth?”
According to the informant, valuable, more than gold and most exotic devices.”
They love it here and in any of the nearest cities, plus there's none available for thousands of miles.”
Not any cities for a while around though.”
That's what the informant says..”
And the nearest city is to the north?”
Again, as the informant states..”
With minimal law enforcement in the area to stop us...”
Correct, due to the sparse population of the area and the fact that it isn't really claimed in the name of any city.”

Back at the carts the merchants were confronted by two professional looking women, with badges.
One of them gave a long, tired sigh.
Why don't you finish your story?”
Of course madam we'll get right to it, but first we need to finish our argument..” one of the motley collection of purple garbed men replied.
I mean, we've got it down to bustle or kerfuffle right?”
No bustle or hustle! There was no kerfuffling..”
Right, of course..”
It can sometimes be an amusing thing to watch an argument uncontrollably unfold in front of you Kendra pondered, if only this was one of those times.
Just move on from that word, whatever it is and continue on with your story...”
It took two hours for an agreement to be reached, during which Kendra noticed her partner, Sandra, spent much of it gawking; displaying a minute reminiscence of her awareness of the situation.
Ok, so we heard a hustle, as in when someone says 'let's hustle'”
Yes I've heard the term,” Kendra drawled in an unimpressed tone.
Then when we checked the back of the carts,” continued the merchant.
There was nothing, just a couple of bottles left over.”
I don't even know why they stole them all,” chimed in the merchant referred to as Briax.
Even a small amount of effort wasn't worth such a seemingly insignificant prize, unless..”

Sandra nodded listening intently, until of course she wasn't. Her mind was quickly calculating how much the thieves would make on even the Blackest of Markets. Two seconds into that she was wondering what it was like to be a trader on such a market and what she could sell. Two minutes later her mind zipped back into focus a solid retirement plan involving cannons, Frisbees and the world's undying need for a new extreme sport involving pets, under-way in the back of her mind. She listened just in time to nod to Kendra's “Let's go!” and move off in search of the wild men.

Wednesday, 30 August 2017

A Wild Story Appeared..

This is a story all about how some lives got flipped turned upside down.. it's chapter one of the tale literally no-one asked for, creatively named "Police, Thieves and Merchants".. let's have a read..

Police, Thieves and Merchants

Chapter 1: Crying Wine Merchants

It was dark during the day. Eleven travellers turned up to stare, some quickly glanced away. The shining light up above had faded fast to be replaced with a darkened circle upon a fiery outline.
It had been this way for two minutes. The travellers stood scattered across the path wandering aloud as to how this could occur. A few argued it was the work of their god, as is the norm when facing the unknown. Of course they believed everything was the work of their god anyway so it wasn't a very enlightening opinion for them. Additionally, those who put their faith in the more scientific organizations were arguing their viewpoints.
One argued that the sun had died and that they would all freeze to death. He had taken to shouting manically, throwing his arms up and gesturing wildly to make it known that his point is the correct one. Another followed the theory that their world is a round spherical object called a planet, constantly spinning and flying in and out of light and dark. He argued that the planet had taken a diversion and was leaving the light early today, possibly to never follow it's original path and return. He had a more sombre tone, wistful for the day-time he had lost forever. Of the rest, they agreed that the sun had been eaten by a giant monster and someone needed to defeat the monster and cut it back out again. They thought this was far more interesting than the scientific or religious opinions and were discussing how such a hero would get up there to kill it.
Cax sniffed at the air, allowing the scent of the pine trees swaying in the breeze at the side of the path to blow through his nostrils.
What fools” he thought, as he gazed at the trees surrounding the path on either side. The travel-stained, barely purple robe he had received upon being admitted into the group swirled around his ankles as he cocked his head against the breeze. He attempted to listen out for any signs that they were being tracked before the loud, bitter conversation hauled him back into it's embrace.
Look” someone stated in a mournful tone, “look, look... look. Clearly this is not what you want to hear but we have left the light, the sun is gone and is never coming back. No gods will be returning it to us.”
The work of the gods almighty can't be understood by mortal men Briax, we'll be lucky if we get a hint of their plan.”
Now, now Pollux don't be morbid, there are always signs if we know how to read them.”
I wonder how we didn't hear the monster before now.”
Stop screaming Lax! Also, there is no monster.”
What swallowed the sun then?”.
Nothing, there will be signs from the gods.”
Oh sure Cax but you say everything is signs from them. What sign is the monster?”
I reckon I could kill it.”
There is nothing to kill because there is no monster, the signs are all around us – oh do shut up Lax!”
How would you kill it Throx?”
Now look here... look... look.. this conversation is meaningless, we need to start getting used to the era of the night!”
Night people? That is interesting... But no the monster must be huge!”
There are signs all over the landscape..”
I see a sign that the sun is dead.”
I'll need a big knife, but when I have that, it's just a matter of timing and preci..”
Wait! Briax, did you hear that rustle?”
I didn't hear a rustle Paxter but there was a distinctive hustle, as in let's go- let's hustle!”
Shut up! It was absolutely a rustle.”
Sounded like a tussle to me.”
Where did it come from?”
The ruffle came from the back of the carts.”
Now your being stupid, it is definite rustling.”
No a hustle, it's getting further away.”
Which means that whatever is rustling is getting further away.”
Or more probably the tussle is..”
Sounds like a big kerfuffle.”
Right! I'm seeing what's making that rustle,” Paxter exclaimed as he broke away from the group.
Nothing if you ask me, but I could check on the bustle.”
Paxter spun round. “Bustle?! What planet are you on, how does that rustle sound even remotely like a bustle?!”
Xa cleared his throat.
Well what you mistake for a rustle is actually clearly people bustling against one another to get away.”
That's the hustle!”
No Briax, not a hustle that's more co-ordinated, this is definite bustling sound.”
Xa, your fucking stupid, it's clearly a tussle otherwise whatever it was would have bustled, hustled, rustled away by now!”
Oh Throx, sweet Throx.. all you care about is fights and there is no fight here.. just a kerfuffle.. someone fucked up.”
I'm joining the tussle..”
Don't you have your big monster to fight first Throx?”

The argument continued on for several minutes. Meanwhile the thieves rustling in the back of the wine merchant's cart bustled to get as much of the precious stock as they could. There was a tussle and a couple of scuffles, plus one thief managed to have a kerfuffle and tripped over. There was certainly no hustle though as the thieves ran in a disorganised mess splitting up as they raced away from the emptied cart.

As the sun reappeared behind the shadow there were tears in the merchants' eyes, partly from relief and partly from distress over their missing cargo. All except Cax, who considered himself stubbornly correct in both his previous assertions.

Wow.. impressive.. you made it through. That's it for chapter 1. Check back on the CWM blog for more randomness.. coming soon..

Saturday, 12 August 2017

1st Gig

Hello and welcome to this... blog. I'm not sure what generally goes on in blogs but this will be a place where the band can write about whatever takes their fancy.. so expect anything! Literally anything at all!

Seeing as we just played our first gig I thought I'd kick things off with the thoughts going through my head as we played or first song live.. ever. Enjoy... or not I guess depending on your mood..

The reassuringly even wood of the stage rests beneath my feet as I scamper about
wondering what I'm missing. Twizzle, twizzle, twizzle. The various knobs around the
drum-set inhabiting the rear of the stage need adjusting to the perfect, optimum level.
A quick glance up and everyone else on stage is not near as frantic against the backdrop
of darkened silhouettes waiting in judgement.
Drumsticks! Of course i'm missing that slightly essential item to play the drums.
Quickly I'm dashing in the back room and out again leaping through the tangled,
forest of wires which make up the floor of the stage and back behind the kit.
Back to frantic twizzling I suppose until everything is just right.. except that
cymbal stand. Why won't it stay completely still? It does look a bit wobbly.
Just a few more tightens and it should be fine.. Everyone is turning towards me with
a questioning look of expectation: clearly they want me to hurry.
"Are you ready?"
"Yeah, for the line check?"
"Yer.. I don't think there's a line check."
Ah shit first no sound check now no line check. Well there's only so much that can
go wrong on a first gig. I give the bass drum a few kicks and hit the snare a
couple of times to confirm with myself that this drum-kit does make sounds
before giving a nod of confirmation.

Rob begins far too immediately and I'm in drum mode, ticking down until the rest
of us come in and.. Bam! I've started and my first thought is how awesome the new snare sounds
crackling out as it gets belted in the intro. Wait that cymbal hit felt a bit
weak.. I look up and the pesky cymbal stand has already decided to flip the crash
back over itself away from me. Of course this now initiates a chaotic few moments where I
have no idea whether to keep trying to hit the rebellious thing or just depend on
the ride.. Somehow I manage to decide to do both as we belt on into the verse.

Muscle memory and vain pride motivate me to keep using the crash despite it's
awkward state but it soon becomes obvious that I'm going to have to abandon this
dumbass strategy. By the chorus I'm all about the ride and find some breathing space
to actually think about what everyone is doing. It all sounds good from what I can
tell and I'm sure the mass of blackened blobs beyond the stage light are
enjoying themselves wonderfully.

Soon though it's back to chaotic neural patterns as I try to figure out in
approximately 1 second how to play our cymbal-heavy intro with just a ride.
For some bizarre reason this appears to go well and I can feel myself really
getting into the music.. except is this too slow? This has got to be too slow.
How is no-one else in the band glaring at me yet? This is a snail's pace
compared to practice- I'm pretty sure the entire audience is leaving in disgust.
And... calm down.. breathe.. listen to Dory... just keep playing.. the blobs are
still with us.

The second chorus is coming to a close.. this is where I get my little break..
HOLY SHIT YES. Thank christ I can actually adjust that cymbal! Tom laughs
as I grin at the finally well-positioned, glimmering sheet of metal. I celebrate by
smashing it as I come back in mid-bridge and it gloriously stays where it's supposed to.
Wait a sec.. that kick drum sounds a bit off. I look down to see the pedal veering off
to the right, completely inconsiderate to it's supposed job of smashing repeatedly
into the bass drum in front of it. Great.. and we're off into the final, loud, smashing chorus.

Come on pedal.. stay with me.. don't fuck off now.. I find myself staring keenly
at my feet as Rob comes over in some sort of guitar inertia for some serious guitar-
drummer stare-off time. I'd love to join, I'm never one to miss a guitar-drummer stare off
but that pedal is inching away just a little bit.. Stay with me pedal, stay with me
cymbal- we're heading into the crescendo and... made it! Haha! That was excellent!!
The blobs are all still here! Time for some serious fiddling before the next song begins
as the music quietens down and John begins segregating the crowd into people who know us
and people who don't..

Wow you made it to the end of that?! Check out the grand band blog for more things you weren't really looking for!