Wednesday, 10 January 2018


Now, I'm going to review something completely random because what the hell, no-one
reads this anyway, except Kate and random internet surfer called Steve. Hi Kate and Steve.

What I shall review is musically related and introduced to me by some bearded bloke
that likes to hang around my house. It is called 'Katamari'. Now, I know that sounds
Japanese but it is actually.. even more Japanese than it sounds. It is a
very bizarre and creative video game series that is well worth a play that has a superb soundtrack.
Well at least the 'We Love Katamari' game does, as that is the only one I've heard,
but I'm sure the rest are awesome too.

Now, "what makes this soundtrack so good?," I hear you murmur inquisitively to yourself.
Many reasons. It introduces you to about 5 musical genres you had no idea existed, and
gets you hooked to them before you can even define what they are. It makes you question whether
you are actually insane, in a happy way. You WILL listen to Katamari on the Swing multiple times,
that is just a fact of life, no-one has listened to that just once.. ever. I for one couldn't stop myself
drumming to that one and instantly wished I was better at swing drumming. Also, nearly every single song has a distinct genre from the rest, it is ridiculously varied.
Here is my attempt to describe the genres with my limited knowledge going from start to finish:

Pokemon Rock -> Footage from the Beat-boxing Word Championship --> Lounge--> Swing --> Psychedelic Techno Madness --> Pop Punk --> Chill Rock-->Blues? --> Double Blues --> Chill as Fuck Rock --> Experimental beyond Genres --> Some form of Rock I have no idea, Math Rock?--> Anime Soundtrack --> Disco --> Literally Animals --> Orchestral --> Fanfare
--> Words

Check it out below for an interesting experience and see if you can define what the hell each song is and comment your observations:

Friday, 5 January 2018

Police, Thieves and Merchants - Chapter 4 Creeping With Malice

Sedrick could smell pie. He was gliding between the few outbuildings at the edge of the larger buildings which made up the settlement. Despite the settlement being relatively small, the buildings stood tall and provided excellent coverage from anyone watching at the top of the grassy embankment that rose up to the rear of the village. He crouched behind one such out-building with his back pressed against the smooth wooden surface. His body faced the forest to the rear of the buildings but his eyes pointed towards an open window to this right.
The pie was delivering it's sweet, delicious aroma from a window sill just a quick dash away across a short gap between the buildings. He listened. There wasn't much activity in the settlement but he had distinguished low muttering earlier and the clang of a door as someone went into an outbuilding. The buildings were eerily quiet even when put into consideration how few people could live in such a small number of them.
However, there was the pie. It looked delicious, smelled delicious with a hint of blueberry – an ultimate bonus in Sedrick's opinion. Why people would leave these things out exposed for someone to steal he would never know. But also there was the pie. It was too tempting. There were some little thoughts unfurling within his mind that there was no way it could taste as good as it smelled. It could be poisoned, it could be a trap set by some mundane lunatic designed to lure him in. He breathed in. His anxious mind liked to get away from him, it took a rumble in his belly and footsteps coming from round the corner behind him to push him back into action. He skipped across the clearing, making minimal noise, as his feet bounced across the ground. He had grabbed the pie and ducked down between two buildings within a few seconds of hearing the danger.
The man who came striding round the corner created a striking impression. Firstly, he was clearly wealthy – much more so than anyone living in these quiet lands could hope to be. The clothing he wore was a deep green and shone with rich velvet trimmed lighter at the edges. His belt and boots were also a lighter shade of green and his hat was very intriguing. It stuck up slightly from the stranger's head in a sort of folded manner and had a feather sticking out of the top. Sedrick couldn't help raising an eyebrow slightly, he had never seen such clothes before but it was what the man was holding that really caught his eye. A tube-like device with a handle at the end held firmly in a strong grip with a finger curled into a small nook underneath the tube where it joined with the handle. Sedrick burrowed himself into a doorway as the interesting man passed, eyes always intent on his next action.
Idiot,” he thought. “I've got your pie.” He took a bite, gorging himself on the sweet blueberry as it danced across his tongue. As the green man stepped away and the clear, resounding footsteps faded Sedrick finished his snack and rose slowly. He crept from his hiding place and continued moving, always sticking to the shadow of a building. For some reason there was a sense of threat about the place. Sedrick liked threat, it sent excitement and energy running through his blood and he liked the way that felt. He liked testing his anxiety and overpowering any fear he had. He also liked the hat. He had never seen such a thing before, though it looked slightly similar to some he'd seen far away by the sailors on the sea to the south of his home. He was just imagining what he would look like with it on when he bundled over a bundle on the floor. Pain sprouted from his left shoulder as he let out a small groan and rolled onto his side to gaze back at the bundle's sightless eyes staring back at him. A red line stretched across the throat where the garrotte had cut into her and her mouth lay open, a quizzical expression on her face as if wondering who he was to disturb her rest in the street.
Dead.” He thought glumly. He got up and jumped back over the body with adrenaline running through him as he searched for the man in green.
His pace slowed as he got closer to the edge of the silent buildings, he saw his prey. Green man was stalking past the houses with tube device perched against his shoulder. He seemed beautifully distracted. Meanwhile a low, repetitive thunk started beyond the green man in the clearing close to the forest. Sedrick moved forward as the green man turned to go beyond the final outbuilding before the clearing. Sedrick himself closed on that final corner after watching his prey gradually edge through. He took off his shoe.
Sedrick darted around the corner and found the stranger pointing tube at a shifty-looking man with an axe. Sedrick lunged with the shoe. There was an explosion of noise from the tube as the woodcutter fell to the ground missing one head. Sedrick heard the unmistakeable panicked wails of his comrades as the green man's head recoiled back into his boot. Green man let out a bellow of rage as he turned and Sedrick whisked the hat off his reeling head. Anxiety flooded through him as his mind registered the danger in front of him. Grappling onto the small advantage of surprise he had gained he thrust out hard with the shoe before the green man could complete his turn, against the hand clutching the tube handle. As the tube fell to the ground Sedrick kicked with all his might with the foot still holding a shoe into the area never meant to endure such force. The green man let out another scream of rage and pain as he fell to the floor clutching his groin. Sedrick was quick to kick the tube device and sprint back through the settlement, intent on putting as much distance as he could between himself and the outraged, menacing sounds coming from the clearing. He reached the embankment behind the village quickly and immediately began climbing up the muddy slope, skidding and scrambling in his rush to get to the top. Every two or three seconds he risked a quick glance back to see if there were any tube shaped objects poking out from between the wooden buildings. Once he reached the top he didn't stop and kept running into the forest, practically falling into his pack's hiding place among the undergrowth and nearly breaking his wine. Stopping for a moment when he realised the pie had been left in the village he sighed and sprinted as fast as he could into the wonderfully dark and gloomy forest.

Blood spurted from the useless neck, now demoted to holding up nothing, as it slumped with the body down to the floor. Laurel ran, Borg let out a bellow and turned for cover and Crole stood frozen on the spot. It took him valuable seconds to process a single, desperate thought to sprint for the cover of the forest. This was enough time to make out Sedrick kick the killer in the balls and make off with his hat. The tree-line was dozens of metres away a long, long distance when considering the weapon they were fleeing. Borg and Laurel had each made off in different directions and all Crole could think to do was sprint anywhere that put him further from the killer device. His heart pounded the blood through his body and his feet to the floor at a ridiculous pace as he gradually made the cover of the trees. A slight tingle of relief was allowed to flow through his body as he made it. Immediately he angled his path away from the village and deeper into the wildlife.
Borg was wheezing, bent double over and leaning against a tree when Crole disturbed him. Their eyes met briefly as they shared a mixed look of shock and horror for a single second before they began careering through the undergrowth at a terrific pace. Up ahead they could hear the terrified wails of Laurel as he struggled past obstacles nature was throwing up against him. It took a minute for them to reach him on the floor, a new gash drawn across his cheek where a branch had raked his face.
Keep going,” Crole grunted, when Laurel froze in shock at their appearance. Instantaneously Laurel was crashing forward next to them. Each had little shame in their quest to get to as far away as possible. They stepped on each other and hurled another out of the way as they continued their mad dash over rocky creeks, fallen trees and through tangled, twisting undergrowth. Eventually, Crole felt his legs give out under him as a hidden root tripped him forward head first into a river bed, legs sticking out at an awkward angle. Laurel clashed into his flailing ankle and brought Borg down as he clutched and grabbed onto him to break the fall. After the tumble they paused for a moment, feeling the adrenaline seep from their legs to be replaced by pain and fatigue. Shakily, Crole got to his feet and helped Laurel and Borg up. Their sprint had lasted long enough to take them a few miles from the settlement.
What the hell was that?!” began Laurel in between breaths.
What was what Laurel?” Borg retorted. “The weapon? The killer? Or the entire disturbing process one person intentionally ending the life of another? Either way it was definitely brutal.”
A firearm,” spoke Crole softly, his breathing slowly getting to a regular pace. “I've seen a couple before, from travellers that claimed to have gone an unimaginable distance away, a lifetime's walk.”
Same place that frisbees come from or that canned food that was going round a while ago?”
Or the inflatable beach balls?” Borg contributed.
Similar distance I'm sure,” answered Crole. “Although I doubt they came from the same people, whatever culture gave birth to the firearm must have been formidably brutal.”
I saw one as well once.” Borg spoke quietly. “Never realised what it was or what it would be like to face in action.” He spat, his stocky build bent over as he continued wheezing.
What the fuck was Sedrick doing?” Crole said indignantly as the other two looked at him with quizzical expressions.
He stole the killer's hat! Then assaulted the maniac. He probably got away too since we didn't hear another shot.”
Nutter,” Borg said appreciatively as he started walking again. “That one always finds a way to surprise.”
What shall we do now?” Laurel questioned. “He could be after us, I don't want him within sight again!”
We'll go west. We've still got our cargo and the white river was just beyond that village. If we find a crossing to the west we can get that clear border between us and the killer and gain access to the city in the north,” Crole decided.
Sounds like a plan,” reasoned Borg.
But how far west?”
Well, judging from the sun we've been heading south west up to this point. If we go west from here for another 6 hours we should be a decent distance away I should think.”
Unless he's going west.”
It doesn't matter which direction we choose to go in, we will always run the risk of him going that way too. At least this way has a decent chance of us getting to his north side without running into him.”
Dusk began to settle in as the sun's light started to cascade down the horizon darkening the woodland considerably.
He could be watching us right now and we wouldn't be aware of it,” Borg whispered glancing around warily.

More reason to get moving in case he isn't and we can still get away,” retorted Crole as he started westward.