CWM?

A question that has plagued me since the birth of this band is: CWM, what does that stand for? Now being a member of this band, you would think I would be aware of what CWM stands for, however that secret was kept from me for reasons... I'm unaware of. All I can do is guess, wonder to myself at the possible great secret 3 letters possess.

Hmm words.. words that fit the letters.. Cows With Milk may seem like a stupid name for a band, but when I think about how great milk is, it makes some sort of sense. On the other hand Crazy Wild Men makes a lot more sense when considering who makes up this band. Cars With Motors takes into account Rob's deep, deep fondness for all things Formula One. The rest of us aren't as bothered but we're general fans of cars, as long as they get our gear to practice. Carriages Wheel Monsters is completely bizarre but I am quite fond of the image it creates. Would a bizarre name suit us? Compasses Won't Marry takes the bizzareness up a notch, yet it has the ring of truth to it. Caged White Manatees takes a step away from the bizarre to animal cruelty. I'm not sure why I considered that. Could We Maybe? could be referring to all sorts of things, though the mind likes to assume sex. Come With Me is similar. Couldn't Win Monopoly is far too real and relatable for me to face being the name of the band, but maybe that's why it should be. Maybe not though as this name would just be plain false for John... the bastard. Classes Went Missing is possibly too dark, but Class Went Missing works better as a commentary on our lack of style or respect for the class system. Courageous Without Merit works well as some nice juxtaposition while remaining unclear what it is actually talking about...

Overall, I feel like I could run through possible names of CWM all day and have a weird amount of fun doing so. However, by the end I still wouldn't be able to find a name that perfectly beats any other I could come up with to represent this band. Maybe it doesn't need a definite answer.

Police, Thieves and Merchants Chapter 7: Chumps Will Murder

Jen and Lae were running among a series of chaotic scenes as the village they had lived and worked in was torn apart around them. There wasn't much time to waste taking in all that was happening beyond the random details their brains decided to pick out. The smell of smoke filled their nostrils as they crawled behind burning wreckage; the glint of an arrowhead as it speared past to go thudding into a cherished neighbour's ribs. The cries and screams that burst through the chilly evening air, now warmed in places by the blazing fires bursting forth from the former homes, emphasized tenfold whenever it was from someone they recognized. Their aim was simple, get to the trees. Trees reduced the visibility of their attackers and were far enough from the village to be encompassed by the attack. Unfortunately, as they groped forward blindly through the smoke, walking into Briax, Throx and any others still surviving – they couldn't see any treetops beyond the thick, grey haze now enveloping the settlement. Every now and then there hearts would freeze as a figure strutted out of the smoke dressed in the dark clothing signature to the attacking band. They were usually armed with a knife or bow and arrow and would attack a trailing member of the diminishing group. They were following a crying young woman who had also escaped from the pub moaning tearfully to herself as she felt forwards towards the tree-line behind the pub, which had to be close by now. As she lunched forward a dark clothed silhouette materialised in front of her. He was coughing from the smoke and was caught off guard by the young woman ramming head-first into him, tipping his scrawny body over easily. Nevertheless, he demonstrated amazing reflexes in his ability to jump back from the floor and gather the girl into a grip around the neck with a knife at her throat. She cried out in terror as he turned to disappear into the smoke. A bottle smashed against his face causing glass to lodge itself in his eyes, mouth and nostrils igniting a bawling scream from his mouth as he loosened his hold on the girl. A purple garbed man strode heroically from the smoke as Lae and Jen reached the scene. He picked up the woman, who had rolled back onto the floor, as she breathed heavily- still in shock from the incident.

“Come on now you're nearly there,” he reassured her in an easy-going soothing voice as he helped her find her feet and continue.

“Cax!” Briax exclaimed, appearing with Throx behind Jen and Lae.

“Keep moving,” Cax replied with a grim expression. “We won't all make it through this.” Soon several others dressed similarly to Throx and Briax stepped in beside them, herding the motley group onwards hopefully towards the forest.

They trudged forwards eyes and ears hyper aware of the sounds around them, shoulders hunched as if to make them less visible. It was only a dozen more paces before Cax swore as a thin line of the attackers emerged from the misty smoke blocking their advance, grinning and leering over their new-found prey. Some held weapons, mainly knives and axes with a couple of bows among the throng. The two bows were trained on the miserable group huddled together standing splattered in mud and blood with smoke curling around them, threatening to take even the air from their lungs.

“You'll never get away with this,” Cax spoke his eyes brimming with fury as they stung from the exposure to the smoke, staring hard at the thieves gathered before them.

“Oh I think we will merchant,” a large, thick-set bald man sneered pushing through to face Lae, a small boy piggy-backing on his back. “We know what you hide in these villages, what you keep from the cities residing far away. With enough wine we'll be able to set ourselves up as merchants like you and give ourselves.. a fresh start.” A resigned look passed over his face as he looked back at the boy hanging on tightly to his back.

Jen was incredulous at these words and spoke thunderously in spite of her despairing state.

“You've done all this..” she gestured around her at the ruined village, the screams and the smoke with the flicker of fire glimmering through. “For wine?!” She shook with rage and it was evident that the rest of the group were feeling it too as well as confusion from the words of the thief. The bald thief's mouth twitched in annoyance.

“You wouldn't understand.. and why are they still alive?” he yelled louder, turning to his comrades. As he finished his sentence the bows thrummed taking one villager in the throat and hitting Xa in the side. He collapsed onto the floor blood oozing from the wound as Briax let out a screaming challenge to the thieves now closing in. Before they reached the group though a scruffily dressed man came punching and shoving his way through the villagers, now dispersing into the smoke.

“Oi!” he yelled, pointing at the bald man. “You look like Crass, are you Crass?”

The remaining merchants looked at him bewildered as the thieves paused, confusion written across their face, allowing several villagers to run and find another way out. A few still remained with the merchants however, including a young woman now with a look of joy and worry on her face.

“Fal? What are you doing?” she questioned in an astonished voice.

“How do you know who I am stranger,” Crass called in a brass tone indicating for the thieves around him to hold. A few on the outskirts of the gang broke away anyway to gleefully chase any remaining villagers, cause relative havoc and most importantly loot anything valuable still remaining in the settlement.

“Baxter says he wants you, says he's found a massive stash in the pub right..” he whirled around arm flailing out, clearly confused by the wall of smoke and shocked faces that greeted him.

“There... no... there!” he finished proudly pointing into the smoke, the outline of the pub he had clearly come from still barely visible.

“He says Greg's band is trying to steal it all, says you better hurry.”

A look of greed, twisted with annoyance and tinged with doubt wrapped around Crass' face. The thieves surrounding him were muttering among themselves, clearly discontented at the prospect of losing such a prize. A few on the end had already started edging away from the group towards the direction Fal had pointed in, clearly wanting to get some sort of head start on the rest of them without Crass noticing. Crass didn't take long to come to a decision.

“Let's get what we came for,” he snarled. “With me!” He charged through the villagers, trampling on Xa's leg as he passed as the gang galloped forward. The remaining survivors among the group shrank back from them as they passed but the sense of urgency among the thieves was massive. In a few seconds there was merely harmless open space to the front of the bewildered survivors.

“Run!” Briax yelled out suddenly, and the dozen or so survivors pelted forward coughing and spluttering out of the grey smoke and into the refreshingly green trees, keen to get away from the panic and violence they were leaving behind.

How to make a band-mate happy

Just to be clear the word "band-mate" refers to the idea of "mate" as in a buddy or
friend not as in a sexual act where we're trying to conceive a child.

1. Hug them. At least once a week, or every time you see them if not once a week.
Not only does this express affection for band-mates it also gives you the chance
of winning the prestigious annual CWM band hug awards, of which the current champions
are CWM. (Send in pictures of band hugs to the email at the bottom of the screen 
to have a chance of winning).

2. If they literally only eat chips, only lightly make fun of that. They have their
own crazy reasons for not liking certain foods and it's not our business to judge,
or mock, or create blog posts that point it out so the world can see. However, light
teasing is more than appropriate.

3. If they have a beard, respect the beard area. Imagine there is a force field
around the beard preventing you from getting too close without permission. 

4. If they play bass, act like it's a proper instrument. No matter what.

5. If they ask you to turn it down, do so. Then turn the amp back up when no-one is watching.
 This way everyone thinks they're getting what they want.

6. If they play drums, act like they're a normal, proper human. No matter what.

7. Play in time.

8. Own some sort of vehicle.

9. Actually read the band WhatsApp group.

10. If after asking them to turn their amp down, they then secretly turn it up,
only hate them secretly.

11. If they say your instrument isn't a proper instrument, try not to punch them.

12. Bring snacks to Band Practice.

13. Don't live somewhere inconvenient.

14. Make fun of each other whenever possible. This way you will keep each others
ego's crushed.

15. If they're a guitarist, pretend they are as good as they say they are. No matter what.

16. Tell them when they've improved in some way.

17. If they're a singer, pretend the crowd love them. No matter what.

18. Get used to being in close quarters with each other. For the smaller,
sweatier stages.

19. If someone else asks you to join another band, rudely tell them no.

20. Learn how to play your instrument.

What the Fuck is Our Genre?

One of the greatest mysteries in CWM is around the question: "What the fuck is our genre?" I mean

in a time of multiple sub genres of sub genres, simply replying with "Rock Music", may not be specific enough an answer to that question. However, I find myself struggling to come up with an answer other than that.

Everyone knows that google gives the answer to everything, so a quick peruse of google gives many exciting sub genres of Rock Music: Latin Rock, Shock Rock, Space Rock, Swamp Rock or Cock Rock. However, while many of these genres sound bizarre (particularly Cock Rock) we unfortunately don't appear to fit in any of them. Instead, some of the more well known sub genres seem to be a closer fit: Hard Rock, Alternative Rock or Punk Rock in particular.

Looking at these three more common sub genres closer can give an idea of how well our band will fit in them. Hard Rock seems to have a focus on a lot of  older bands with the likes of Queen, Led Zeppelin and AC//DC falling under the genre. I can definitely hear influence from these bands in our music as well as some of the aggression in tone required to fit in with this genre. However, this doesn't appear to be very consistent throughout all our songs.

Punk Rock has had a massive influence on each of our musical interests, which can be clearly heard on songs like Icebreaker. Yet once gain we manage to stray away from songs typical for this sub genre, particularly as the length of our songs are longer than typical punk songs and neither are they as fast. Our tendencies to follow the hard rock aggressive style prevents us from fully committing to the punk rock archetype. 

So now I'm driven towards Alternative Rock, a sub genre which a lot of bands seem to be shoved into without anyone fully understanding why. The main definition of alternative rock is that an alternative band will produce music distinct from mainstream rock; or it could also mean music heavily influenced by punk rock; or it could be underground rock artists receiving mainstream recognition. So basically, any underground rock band that currently exists and plays original music could probably fit into this sub genre. So it's not an effective sub genre as it doesn't give a band a distinct sense of identity from other Rock music.

So there we are, drifting in the middle of a few genres of rock music but not really with one we fully commit too. To be fair, I don't think that really matters- bands tend to hate being categorised as one genre or another anyway. Besides, there are more important questions to be asked- like what the fuck is Cock Rock?

Awesome Abums: Sleater-Kinney, Dig Me Out

When the opening track of Sleater – Kinney's dig me out blasts out I'm instantly hooked in by the teasing guitar riff overlaying the bouncing drum beat. It then proceeds to refuse to let me go for 36 minutes of the album's duration. Some songs are stronger than others but the combination of tantalising guitar work, bouncy drumbeats and rough vocals manages to hold me throughout.

There's a variety of songs on offer. The album begins with a series of catchy tracks of which my personal favourite is the opener “Dig Me Out”. This run ends with the powerful “Heart Factory” where the band slows the pace down a little. “Buy Her Candy” provides a softer moment in the album while “Jenny” gives a climatic finish.

Quick Summary:

“One More Hour”, I don't know why but I feel this is the perfect song to wake up to. Maybe due too the bleary guitar overlaying the verse which contrasts brilliantly with the catchy chorus.

“Turn it On”, once again the guitar draws me in and gets me nodding my head. When the drums kick in the chorus I have to start moving to the music. The bridge then finishes the build up of activity by getting me singing along to the vocals. A fun and catchy song.

“The Drama You've Been Craving” keeps this dancing up through the relentless drumming and the forceful, snappy vocals as they take turns singing. Meanwhile the intricate guitar keeps the song interesting as it dances around the determined pace. Personally I find this one a great song to run to, it really builds up the energy levels well.

“Heart Factory” slows down the pace with a quiet verse and powerful chorus. For me the dark guitar on the verse is the highlight of this song, giving me something enjoyable to just sit and listen to as it plays out.

“Words and Guitar” is full of catchy chorus' which demand the listener to jump around mixing with beautiful, eclectic verses which would be perfect to listen to lying in the grass of a sunny park. This deep contrast in the song works well and is followed by another high energy piece “It's Enough”. At less than 2 minutes long the energy doesn't stop or slow down but keeps rising throughout. A perfect song go nuts to and yell out the simple, repeated chorus at a show.

“Little Babies” slows down the pace once again. I wouldn't say this is one of the strongest songs on the record for me but the vocals on the chorus are catchy and the drums keep an excellent beat, so it is still enjoyable to listen to. “Not What You Want” hits the accelerator harder, the vocals on the verses in particular display the chaotic energy of the song as if on the verge of losing control . “Buy Her Candy” takes the foot of the accelerator again and brings forth a wonderfully sweet song by relying on the guitar and vocals for the brunt of the music. This adds to the rawness of the emotion of the love song and creates a nice quieter moment in the album for the listener to catch their breath.

“Things You Say” demonstrate more of what this album does incredibly well as the intricate guitar guides me through a quietly, powerful emotive song, flowing beautifully with the vocals and drums. “Dance Song 97” uses dynamics well to keep building itself up behind some excellent guitar riff-age before finishing quietly. This manages to add to the impact of the song and solidifies it as a gentler note on the album. “Jenny” wraps up the album and clocking in at over four minutes is the longest song available. The chorus is cathartic and mixing this with the slow tempo makes it a suitable and powerful finisher. It releases the listener while also giving them something to think about on their way out.

The album definitely worth checking out if you wanna hear catchy punk songs that also knows how to mix giving the listener an intricate and raw experience effectively, so if your intrigued give em a listen!

Police, Thieves and Merchants: Chapter 6, Coming With Malice

Cax looked blearily around him at the village settling down for the night. The police women had seemed professional enough, though the thought kept nagging at him at what the two of them could really hope to find against a band of thieves easily able to de-materialise into the wilderness. A smith quietly cleared up his tools as dusk settled around him. The sound of merry laughter came from his right as two boys and three girls played together, their father keeping a watchful eye on them as he creaked back in a rickety chair, a pipe cheerily smoking away in his mouth.

“I wonder if he has a spare?” Cax thought before deciding against joining. Children could be really annoying at times. Instead he reluctantly turned back into the inn where his belligerent travelling companions were sipping wine, minus one or two.

Briax was finishing helping the smith collect up her tools.

“You don't have to help me you know Briax?” She was in her late twenties, with brown hair curled down to her shoulders and a thick-set build at medium height.

“Well you did so well with the cart today I had to return the favour,” he replied easing his face into a smile.

“Usually people go to the wood experts when they need something like that doing,” she commented eyes focused on lifting the tools back onto their hooks. Briax had seen just such a person: an old, large man sat dozing outside his carpentry workplace. He remembered pausing to notice how the whiskers nuzzled under carpenter's nose had lifted with each snore, then moved on to find someone much more.. interesting to help.

“Yes.. well I guess I'm not aware of the local professions.”

“Yet unable to read the word smithy on the front of my door?” A quirky, quizzical yet amused smile flitting across her face.

“Precisely, I was in such a rush I had no time for reading Miss..? Or is it Mrs?” Briax asked while leaning forward to inspect the underside of a hammer as if it held great interest to him.

“It's Jen, like I've already told you.”

“But is it Miss Jen or Mrs?”

“I think those tools are just about done, what was that you said about a drink after all this hard work?” Jen said while glancing at the diminishing sunlight out of the window, as if confirming with herself that it was time for such things.

Briax paused his inspection and looked up.

“Oh yes, the only place I know around here is the inn we're staying at though and that's full of morons.” He added a sly smile on his lips.

“Didn't you say you were the only travellers staying there tonight?”

“Yes, did you have any other ideas?”

She turned to usher him out of the door so she could lock up saying,

“Woodsworth doesn't have that many places like that to go to, but there's one or two I can think of.”

The pub was a short walk from the smithy, right at the edge of the village with the trees from the forest rising up behind it. A significant amount of loud, rowdy voices could be heard as they approached, broken up by the occasional crash and slap.

“What's that?” Briax asked.

“Sounds like a tussle,” affirmed Jen as the door burst open in front of them. A large muscular womann came hurtling through, long limbs flailing and a scream of outrage spurting from her lips. Throx stood in the doorway, triumph outlined on his facial expression and body language.

Before Briax could react the woman was hammering into Throx's belly. Throx, proud at never being one to back down easily, managed to roll them both onto the floor where they lay grappling with each other.

“Lae stop it!” Jen called out aghast, trying to position herself close enough to the tumbling, whirling pile of limbs in order to prise them apart. Lae looked up momentarily and locked eyes with Jen, before clocking Throx around the head and picking herself up. She easily towered above them all once she had gotten herself upright.

“Enough tough guy, looks like the local smithy wants a drink.”

“That's right” Jen stated, “and I'd appreciate not having to walk over a rolling pair of asses to do so,” smiling in spite of her words.

“What were you doing?” she asked.

“Fighting.”

“I mean why?”

“She said this village had the finest wine for over a hundred miles!” Throx cut in indignantly.

“I had to correct her.. and then she decided to throw me a punch.”

“You were asking for it,” Lae growled.

“That's what they all say.”

“You were literally asking for it, demanding I put my fist where my mouth was – so I did,” Lae confirmed in her rough voice smiling smugly.

There was a slight pause as Briax and Jen exchanged a brief confused look.

“Yer.. I guess you did,” Throx said wiping the back of his hand across his forehead before barking out a laugh.

“Let's go inside,” Jen said looking at Briax.

“Very good,” Throx interrupted. “I still have plenty of beer left.”

“I didn't mean..”

“I can show you all a thing or two about drinking. Oh Briax I didn't know you were here!” Throx bellowed, noticing Briax for the first time.

Briax wasn't paying attention to Throx. His eyes were distant, glued to the rear of the inn where several shadows had begun emerging from the tree-line. The movement rippled and formed into a large body of people appearing as if from nowhere in the low, dusk sun glinting indiscriminately off knives or arrowheads glistening threateningly from within the mass.

“Get inside,” Briax hissed as the others looked around at the first thrum of a bowstring and screams piercing the cooling evening air.

The four of them bundled inside the drinking establishment, a small crowd of people at various stages of drunkenness turning to stare. Most weren't aware at all of the commotion manifesting itself outside, though worry had dawned on the face of a few. Lae quickly grabbed the block to lock the door and Jen helped her place it on.

“Shut the shutters!” Briax yelled all attention in the establishment now firmly placed on their little group. Throx began helping him shut the exterior light out with very little help from the people within.

“What's going on?” the bartender called loudly and firmly, clearly sober enough to be aware this wasn't simply a case of drunken shenanigans in the wake of the growing commotion outside. The rest of the crowd were either muttering among themselves or carried on drinking. In addition, a couple were demanding Lae to let them out and none were helping shut the windows. Jen turned to answer the questioning bar staff as a crash resonated around the building. A fist protruded from one of the windows on the far side of the room encased in a deathly black glove far from Throx or Briax's efforts. This initiated a flurry of activity around the pub as the majority of occupants reacted to the threat. One such was a short, squat, round man who flung himself forward to fight off the ferocious fist forcing it's way further into the room. He managed to throw the huge, emerging arm back through the window upon impact only to meet instant retribution for his efforts in the form of an arrow buzzing into his chest from the open window. He fell to the floor to begin an everlasting habit of laying down still. The screams that now could be heard from outside now echoed inside the pub as panic spread at the sight of the dead defender.

“Those shutters won't hold for long,” someone shouted desperately as Briax finally managed to finish off the work of the dead man and lock up the final window. Banging immediately spewed forth from several of the windows on the far side of the bar, indicating where the intruders efforts were directed. A keen wailing had begun distinct from the loud kerfuffle, identifying the wife or girlfriend of the dead man as his body was unceremoniously dragged to the centre of the room by Throx. This was to make way for the table and chairs being brought forth by several of the occupants to form a barricade across the windows as the heavy shutters already began to splinter and wither under the pressure. Lae searched around the rest of the pub, mind desperately pleading with herself that the attackers were looking for a simple, rapid raid and would soon grow tired and give up on the barricaded public house.

“The back door!” the bartender suddenly exclaimed sharply to her left. “It goes into the kitchens and I bet the lock won't hold much against that determined assault,” he continued nodding towards the cacophony of noise at the rear of the main hall.

Lae followed by Jen, sprinted into the kitchens through the door adjacent to the bar. She was met by the sight of a bedraggled youth dressed as a cook and using what strength he had left to hold the door while simultaneously calling for help. The door splintered behind him as an axe came charging through the wooden architecture to lodge itself deep in his back. The body underneath the axe went limp and Lae spun around gasping in shock and fear. Jen allowed a brief scream and Lae yelled at her to run as she pulled her back towards the bar. They crashed into the bartender and a couple of women who were rushing to their aid.

“This place is breached” Lae gasped at them as she struggled back onto her feet.

“We need to get out of here.”

Back near the main entrance a few drinking buddies had come to the same conclusion. The front door remained relatively undisturbed beyond the occasional knock. Two young men were shouting at anyone who would listen to get ready to run as they positioned themselves next to the locking bar. Briax and Throx were helping increase the barricade at the rear of the bar. Their efforts were increasingly becoming fruitless as the attackers had managed to get hold of several axes and were chopping their way through the wreckage that greeted them through the windows. A young woman from the pro-escape party was trying to convince a third drunk man to put down his drink and come.

“Come on Fal let's go, we need to go” she fearfully pleaded dragging at his arm.

Fal looked at her with a vacant, confused expression before replying

“We've got plenty of drink left! Come and join me Kat and we'll blow this place apart!”

“We can do that later but now we need to go..”

“Why later, we've got to live in the moment.” He pointed his bony, accusing finger at her, “you never live in the moment Kat. You need to relax!”

“For the last time, we're being attacked!” Kat pleaded, attempting to drag him with all her might towards the door. Fal turned around and glared at the barricade. The defenders were all abandoning their efforts and fleeing for the front door as splinters flicked out from the shaking furniture defences, emphasised by the deafening, crunching crashes gaining in volume with each one. Fal looked back at Kat, suddenly serious.

“Attack of the tables and chairs Kat, I told you this day was coming! You never listen.” The bar was hurled from the front door and the crowd of people clawing to get outside burst through into the uncertain wilderness their village had become. Kat kept trying to drag at Fal but he refused to budge.

“Look Kat, I've got reinforcements! Fuck those chairs.”

Kat moaned in defeat as she looked where Fal was indicating before leaving him to his his fate and running for the doors as the menacing figures came bursting into the main bar from the kitchens. Kat was allowed to escape as the thieves focused on salvaging what they could from the bar.

“Alright lads,” Fal called out in far too casual a tone for his situation. He took a sip from his drink and nodded back to the crunching furniture behind him.

“What are we gonna do about this eh? If you've come for a drink hold on a sec as we've got a situation on our hands.”

Unnoticed by Fal the attackers were negotiating round the dismantled and destroyed furniture, finally victorious in their weary attack against the pub. The expressions on their faces were cold when they realised they had been beaten by the assailants currently rummaging around the bar. The thieves circled through the bar as if hunting for the most appealing dinner in a pack of prey. Some were hurling some of the dry coloured bottles behind the bar into packs that each of them carried.

“Wine!” a hairy, short sure-footed man called out triumphantly as he released several bottles from their cabinet prison below the bar.

“Share it out,” exclaimed a tall thief kicking away a troublesome chair that refused to untangle itself from his legs paving their way through the obstacles. Fal spun round.

“Your not a chair?” he shouted in drunken wonderment a look of dazed confusion on his face as the newcomers passed him towards the bar.

“Shut it!” one of them yelled at him as he passed.

“How much of it is there back there?” a thief leaning against the bar called. Her wiry frame seemed to be leaning forward in greedy anticipation yet poised for a fight at the same time.

“One bottle.”

“We'll take it then.” One of the tall thieves coming out of the wreckage calmly stated as he walked around to stand off in front of the bar, his comrades backing him up on either side. A quiet chill fell on the room as the thieves from the kitchen all moved to position themselves between him and the bottle.

“Why would we allow that?” the woman leaning back against the bar replied coolly.

“There's more of us than you and you don't want us to knock all four of you out for one bottle of wine do you?” came the swift, confident reply from a thief casually sat on a table to the right of Fal, casually flicking his knife into the air as a malevolent grin spread across his face.

“Perhaps, but once we get outside we have enough friends to tear it right back out of your potentially dead hands,” the thief leaning at the bar said pointedly her body exuding confidence.

“You don't know that..” the knife wielder affirmed, whipping the knife up into the air once more with a grim smile as he met her gaze.

“You guys like wine?” Fal questioned from the centre of the stand-off, still enjoying his drink while just about keeping up with the conversation.“Why don't you check out the best wine for 1000 miles? Unlike what that fool thought..”

“We've got it here you crazy drunk,” one of the thieves sat on top of the bar retorted.

“That stuff's nothing compared to some of the selection in the cellar,” Fal managed to reply slurring his words as he took another drink.

A silent thief who had been glaring out of the door suddenly turned around as the men and women in the room exchanged glances. His face was unshaven and hair and clothing wild and messy, his boots muffled against the floor as he carefully stepped forward to Fal's table. The other thieves watched him expectantly as he spoke softly.

“Take us to the cellar.”

“Where's your manners?!” Fal interrupted, poking him in the chest. “I offer you the chance to drink the finest wine I know of and you can't even say please?”

The thief paused for a second and then smiled slowly.

“I'm sorry,” he spoke with precision. “Please.”

“Right!” Fal shouted, getting up. “Let's get you that wine then.”

Fal led the thieves back towards the kitchens to a little crevice to the right of the bar where a trapdoor resided, hidden from view.

“Gents,” he declared proudly rotating on the spot to face them after lifting the door open. “Ladies, you are going to love this.”

Tom's Top 10 Stages

Mr bassist has always kept a keen eye out looking for his next favourite stage. His enthusiasm and detail-oriented approach has made him somewhat of an expert on what makes a top stage to play on or spectate a band. Here is his top 10 list for best stages in the world:

10th "There is a house in New Orleans, they call the rising sun and it's been the ruins of many a poor boy and god I know I'm one."
A popular song lyric but the house also contains a popular stage for Tom.

9th "Eckington Civic Centre around 8/9/10 years ago."
Here Tom appears to be thinking of the first stag he played on live... many bands ago.

8th "Within the Deep French Southern Forest there is a Tavern tucked away
behind Le Sutassia (mountain) and it's called the H3D."
It's not surprising a tavern made this list as Tom does love a good tavern, always drinking his ale and mead there before slaying a dragon.

7th "The Royal Beech Tree in Somalia."
I'm not sure if Tom is referring to the name of a music venue or an actual tree here.. either way it has a stage and it's the 7th best in the world.

6th "The Northernmost Icelandic village, whose name currently escapes me,
has a lovely cafe with a stage in back called Ace, it is literally ACE!"
From google maps I suspect he's referring to Raufarhofn, in the north east of the country.

5th "Antarctican Second Stage."
A surprising choice for 5th spot, more so because it's surprising that Antarctica has not one but two stages. Why the second stage is better than the first sadly remains a mystery.

4th "West Street Live."
The one, the only West Street Live has been a strong and stable stage for the band, thoroughly deserving of fourth place.

3rd "That One in Texas I can't remember the name of."
The name may allude him but the allure of the beauty and sturdiness of the stage remains.

2nd "The Rio de Janeiro Grand Palladium."
At the top of many people's lists I'm sure, couldn't quite make it to the top of Tom's list though.

1st "The Washington."
The majesty, the tea-lights, the sheer wonder it uses to dominate the room on any night: the Washington's stage of wonders was always going to remain top of this list.